Thursday, August 29

Relationships…they are not about attraction, they are about values…


Yes. all of them. Physical attraction is a value. so it can be categorized under them. Ever wonder why some relationships don’t work, or some never start because, you can’t see anything wrong with your self but the person doesn’t show interest in you?
Correct me if i am wrong, but i feel like people try to match up with others who do not share the same values they embody. What are values? values are concept of worth. Things you embody. things you find important, things you put first. They could be personal, cultural, ethical or religious.
But for now let’s narrow it down to relationship-based values. By that i mean, what you value most in a relationship. And honestly such shows on the outside. no kidding. it laces your behavior, words, and reflexes. especially your words and reflexes, since behavior can be thought out and slowed down.
"………….. For whatever is in your heart determines what you say" - Matthew 12:34b
Since i know only so much, let us list a few values people generally put forth in a relationship: Physical attraction, mental attraction, someone who is generally “good/nice”, game-player/the ones who hide their true selves, money, money for physical attraction, and friendship. There are many more, which i cannot think on the top of my head at 5:21 am. so let’s just deal with this. So tell me why guys and girls, men and women who embody different values pursue people who do not embody the same value-based system and may or may not display such a behavior?
Are we living in our heads? are we daydreaming a bit too much? what is it?
For example if a person values physical attraction and starts to show interest in a guy who does not value physical attraction, lets say he values being actively good/nice in the community or working in the church, etc. and the girl does not display such behavior….he rejects her, she feels she’s not pretty enough (because being pretty is what she values- physical attraction) when she might actually be a very beautiful person.
Same goes for males who go after girls who do not value the same of what they do. and they just end up puzzled wondering what they did wrong. I am not saying each person sticks to one value. but we all have that one thing which is important and we all have others which are under it.  Also people who don’t have the same values DO get together.
The end result is a)compromise- one of them would have to compromise his/her values to please the other b)somewhere along the line a fight erupts and it is laced with what each of them values (your values affect your decisions, behaviors, speech) and they break-up or divorce.
The same goes for friendships by the way….. (people pick friends on  a value-based system as well…that’s another topic lol). It is so hard finding someone who values the same things you do. And this is why some people are single for so long (unless you value “relationships”)
Honestly when i meet people, male or female. I usually look for “warning signs” things which they value that i do not want to embody, absorb or value as well. and once i find it, i categorize them until i know them better. by categorize, i do not mean judge…i mean, i decide how close i am gonna let that person be to me.
what do i value most in relationships?
friendship.
because you cannot be friends with a person and not show your true self. you would have to be mental to be able to put up a facade for over a year+, and have to be oblivious not to detect a facade for over a year+ as well.
Thanks for reading!!


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